Anything else is plain self-congratulatory delusion.

I have always felt that I should be able to define myself in a couple of words. That I should be able to express myself in two or three sentences. Like an entrenched CEO who fumbles with the Tagline of his beloved company, I see myself doing this. The last time I thought about this, the following was the result:

a.j.anto: (Proper Noun) A humble spirit who wanders the face of the earth trying desperately to find the destination of this life and its meaning. Confronted by his ignorance, Awed by the mystery of the universe, blessed with good acquaintances and (hopefully) loved by God.

When I look back at this, I find that my definition of myself has gone for a toss. When I try to define myself now this is what I get: (Warning: Blatant Cynicism Ahead)

A piece of life who does not know its real self. Constantly enslaved and overwhelmed by its emotions, thoughts and body. It is capable of doing and believing almost any insane thing in this world. All that is needed is the right proportion of logic, emotions and hormones. It thinks it is navigating this ocean called life when in actuality it is no better than a piece of driftwood floating in the ocean. Oceans don't care what driftwoods think they are capable of. Anything else is plain self-congratulatory delusion.

PS: I wrote this while mulling over whether Samyama is really for me this time around. Ah, now I don't feel any more pondering is needed.

PS2: If you thought the phrase "Self-congratulatory delusion" is cool, the credits go to Michael Crichton

Human beings never think for themselves, they find it too uncomfortable. For the most part, members of our species simply repeat what they are told--and become upset if they are exposed to any different view. The characteristic human trait is not awareness but conformity, and the characteristic result is religious warfare. Other animals fight for territory or food; but, uniquely in the animal kingdom, human beings fight for their 'beliefs.' The reason is that beliefs guide behavior, which has evolutionary importance among human beings. But at a time when our behavior may well lead us to extinction, I see no reason to assume we have any awareness at all. We are stubborn, self-destructive conformists. Any other view of our species is just a self-congratulatory delusion.



-Michael Crichton, The Lost World