Monday, November 12, 2007

Everything that is worth knowing is right here.

I wonder what is it about the four walls, a bunch of dazed folks called participants, a handful of sober yet smiling volunteers and one graceful being called the teacher that makes it so special. For me it is like Life’s greatest struggles and questions are answered by just popping a pill (much like the red pill which Morpheus asks neo to take in the Matrix). In fact it is more like popping a candy than a pill. Let alone a red pill. I distinctly remember the first time I went to Isha Yoga class for volunteering. This was immediately next to the program that I myself attended. It was like I had no choice. I had to be there. And I will bow down a million times to Lokanetra that he did not give me a choice. At that time, I was staying at madhapur and the class was happening at Begumpet. Since then I have been ‘hanging around’ whenever isha yoga programs have happened in Hyderabad.

Sometimes, I am asking myself what is it that pulled me towards all the corners of the Hyderabad city. What is it? What makes us (There were typically 5 nuts who did this including myself)get up at 5 on a Sunday morning and cram into a share auto all the way to ameerpet. Maybe it is just to watch the beauty and the grace with which the Isha teachers carry themselves. Maybe it is the intellectual ride that the teacher takes us on. Maybe it is those profound anecdotes that make me laugh at myself as much as I laugh at the futility of Shankaran Pillai. Maybe it is the legendary Sunday morning games played with so much child-like abandon and love. Maybe it is the silence that lingers around me days after the initiation day volunteering. Maybe it is to sit clumsily on the floor pseudo-cross-legged as practically every muscle is aching and eat the leftovers of the initiation food with a renewed sense of reverence. Maybe it is to see the ocean of grateful/dazed/confused faces as they leave the initiation hall on Sunday. I have no god-damn idea. I just keep getting back to this space no matter where. Beyond a certain point, I could not attribute any reason to this. There was neither emotion nor ratiocination. It was just like an iron piece getting attracted to a magnet.

Just being in the space of the class is so transforming. It is like I am getting a new zest for life. It is like every moment I can melt away into a dance. Sometimes I wonder why is that I feel so good after a class? Definitely one of the main reasons is that in the class, I see the fool that I am with a lot of limitations and with that realization comes the possibility that I can transcend that limitation. Initially the inescapable logic will overwhelm me. After some time, just entering the class room was enough to overwhelm me. No need for a question to be answered. No need for the aha moment. It was like Pavlov’s conditioned response. This indeed is my life biggest blessing. This came uncalled for. I really did not have any spiritual longing when I attended the first program with Jaggi. At that time, I was wallowing in my own desolate cynicism. I did not know what I was stepping into. Even now I don’t know where I am headed towards. But one thing I know is, this life has become incredibly sweet. Not because of something or someone. Senselessly sweet. I cannot claim that I am like this 24 X 7. But I know it is possible. It is like all things bright and beautiful is right here as I watch my life go by. It is just like I am sitting on a window seat on a bus. The bus goes through all kinds of places: the busy ameerpet, the calm banjara hills, the lovely roundabout at the KBR park. But I am sitting there by the bus window watching them go past like a dream. I don’t know if this is making sense to anybody. If this is possible to me for one moment, I know it is possible for the next moment and so on and so forth.
I could have never dreamed spirituality could be like this.
Why me? So many sincere seekers abound…why me? All I can do is bow down in speechless supplication.

5 comments:

Kumaran said...

Yeah it's true.. we don't know why we are pulled in.. but it works!!!

I liked the following lines from the blog :

One thing I know is, this life has become incredibly sweet. Not because of something or someone. Senselessly sweet.

Keep Going!!!.. We have a long way to go, to make this world a wonderful & beautiful place..

Prasanna said...

I think you are just getting better and better in the way you are expressing and that is because clearly your insides are becoming better and better...

Deepak said...

Anto, "Why me?" is not the right question to ask!

Thanks for the post. I understand how you feel!

shivs said...

I can totally relate to what you've written!.....:-)

shivs said...

I can totally relate to what you've written... :-)