Friday, June 18, 2010

No ordinary bootcamp this!


What I feel within myself right now is a tug-of-war between gratitude, nervousness and resolve.
When I was much younger, while I was discovering the Gospel, sometimes I remember feeling forlorn. The Christ, the way I saw him through the gospel seemed to connect with me somehow. This is in spite of the fact that I had always felt going to Church to be a nauseating and stifling experience. I could not attribute all the nonsense that was happening around me in the name of Christianity to this one elusive being who resided only within myself. Whenever somebody asked a question to Jesus in the gospel, I remember feeling so exhilarated after reading Christ's answer. How much I had wished that Christ was there for me to answer the nagging questions that I had as a disquieted teenager.
Eureka! That's how I felt after I did the Isha yoga program. I was really wowed that even now it is possible to wow'ed after all. And it piqued my complacency that such wisdom could be alive even while we exist now. This one year that I spent in teacher's training in the Isha yoga center, I had always felt cloaked by Him. It was not easy all the time. It was heartless at times. Sometimes I just wanted to bolt back to Seattle just so that I could eat that fabled pasta and bread from Maggiano's. And so it has come a full circle. For me this is what is really overwhelming: something that is so valuable, so potent has been given to my hands. That's how I felt when I received the shawl. It was my dream that I should spend the days of my life being in touch with that which I hold as the highest. In some ways I feel this is like driving on a one-way street. I had exited that highway that leads to nowhere. No Thanks, I rather be parked in a dead-end rather than stepping on the gas just once more.
I will stop my ramble here, I just felt i should document this step that I am taking. I can't believe it all started with this!
P.S: My teachers training is over (but never really over...). I received the shawl this week. I will be starting to take the classes quite soon.
P.S1: While I am shaking with anxiety by the sheer enormity of it all, I remember Neo reckoning "There is no spoon!"

7 comments:

Rasam said...

Am very happy for you Anto! Good luck!!!

As I Like it said...

I am so happy for you. All the very best, Anto.

As I Like it said...

I am soo happy for you, Anto. All the very best.

Deepak said...

Should I say congratulations?

But seriously, you've been saying this or something like this for every step. I am glad you're making these steps.
You'll go far Anto. I'll wait for your next "nervous post" :)

Arvind Sharma said...

Great news, can't wait to volunteer for your class!

Arvind Sharma said...

Great news! Can't wait to volunteer in your class :)

Prabhu said...

He opens the door for people who doesn't look for keyhole. Glad that you are showered by his bliss & grace.